


Love Me As I Am

by The_Boundless_Writer



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Body insecurity, Established Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, F/F, Insecure Lena Luthor, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Loving Kara Danvers, Soft Lena Luthor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-11-16 14:57:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20849135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Boundless_Writer/pseuds/The_Boundless_Writer
Summary: Lena begins to notice her clothes don't fit as well as before, that and her and Kara have been too busy to do more than sleep at night, she begins assuming the worst. This leads to a spiral of self doubt and Lena reverting to her old eating habits, but Kara is there to reassure her and remind her she is loved.





	Love Me As I Am

Lena stood sideways in front of her floor to ceiling mirror, hands smoothing over the front of her blouse and frowning at how it didn't fall as straight as before. Huffing, she untucked her blouse and draped it on the bed, inspecting the way her stomach was a little softer than a few months ago, how her skirt was a little tighter. She noticed it when she was at work, how the weight she had gained strained against her waistband when she sat down. Lena frowned at herself and made a note to block out time to go to the gym at L-Corp before changing into comfortable clothes. She moved into the kitchen in the apartment to make dinner, knowing Kara would be home soon. Alex had called about an hour before letting her know that Kara was okay and just sitting in the sun beds to recharge. Lena hadn't let it show, but she had been worried when she saw her girlfriend fighting the seven tonne alien on TV, and hadn't heard from her once they had been subdued. 

Fifteen minutes later she was just setting a stir-fry on the table for Kara and a salad for herself, when Kara breezed in. Lena turned and was wrapped up in a comforting embrace. 

"Hi Darling. I'm glad you're okay," she murmured as she wrapped her arms around her girlfriend. 

"Hi Love. I promise the sunbed was just a precaution, I'm okay." Kara leaned back and kissed Lena softly for a moment before pulling away. "This smells divine," she told her before taking her seat at the table and digging into her stir-fry. Stir-fry was a loose name for it, as it was mostly meat and noodles with the stray vegetable thrown in. Lena took a seat and began eating her salad. When Kara noticed the difference in their meals she paused, fork halfway to her mouth. "Is that all you're going to eat? You can have some of mine if you want," Kara offered.

Lena's heart warmed at the offer. There were very few people her girlfriend would offer to share food with. "It's alright darling, I'm not very hungry tonight," she replied. Part of her weight gain was her diet she knew, she just had to cut back on big belly burger and donuts, eat more salads again. The hard part would be saying no to Kara's pout when she wanted pizza or potstickers. They continued their meal, talking about their respective days and making plans for the weekend that was coming up, planning on hosting a game night for their friends. Soon their plates were clean, Kara volunteering to do the dishes since Lena cooked. Lena curled up on the couch with her tablet, going through her schedule for the next week and adding in extra gym time, listening to Kara whistling softly as the dishes clank. She didn't blame her girlfriend for her insecurities about her weight, but having a superhero for a significant other who can eat as much as she wants and still retain a six pack while Lena can't get rid of her pouch is a little disheartening. Not to mention the fact that they had been so busy lately they hadn't been as intimate as usual, nothing more than a quickie before work since before she started gaining a noticeable amount of weight. Lena isn't one to lie to herself, there is a nagging in the back of her head that says if Kara were to see her now, she would be turned off and no longer attracted to her. Kara flopped onto the couch next to her, laying back against the armrest and opening her arms. Almost as if she was reading Lena's previous thoughts she said, "I know this is the first time in a while we're both here before nine, but can we just cuddle and watch Netflix tonight? I'm exhausted."

Lena set her tablet aside and smiled at her girlfriend. "Of course Darling," she murmured as she curled up in Kara's waiting embrace. She felt at home there as her pillow scrolled through the movie options, but a traitorous part of her, that suspiciously sounded like Lillian, whispered that Kara thought she was fat and didn't want to have sex with her. She silenced it firmly, relaxing in the warmth the Kryptonian emitted and the small patterns Kara was drawing on her back.

Lena woke to her alarm on the table beside her, surprised for a moment to be in bed and not still on the couch. Kara must have carried her to bed after she had fallen asleep, she concluded. Groaning she reached over and silenced her alarm, trying not to disturb the woman holding her from behind at the ungodly hour she had chosen to go to the gym. Lena slid out of bed and quickly changed into her gym clothes, making sure her skirt and blouse were hung neatly in a garment bag for her to change into later at L-Corp. Within ten minutes she was out the door, but not before leaving Kara a note wishing her a good day and that she would see her at lunch, signed ‘Your Love’.

When she got to the L-Corp gym there was no one else there, thankfully. It was one of the reasons she had scheduled her workouts so early, she didn’t want any of her employees to see her less than perfectly composed, or the way her jogging pants were a little too tight. She started with a twenty-minute warm up on the treadmill before moving to the stationary bikes for forty minutes. She finished with three sets of bicep curls, single arm rows, and chest presses, before another twenty minutes on the treadmill to cool down. The whole workout left her exhausted in a way it hadn’t before she began to shirk her exercise routine, which had gone down to twice a week once she began to date Kara as it made more room in her schedule for date nights. Now though she knew she had to find some way to do it all if she wanted to keep Kara. However, that was a thought she didn’t entertain for long, choosing instead to tell herself that her motivations were simply health related and nothing else.

Half an hour later Lena was at her desk, freshly showered and looking nothing like she had worked out that morning, going over the proposal R&D had sent her for development into new solar panels that looked and functioned just like roof shingles but tied right into the hydro grid and were just as inexpensive as normal roofing. This occupied her for a while as she dove into the concept, running numbers, and looking at manufacturers and suppliers. Two hours later she was brimming with pride at her R&D teams abilities and thoroughness, she approved the project. Once she got the approved proposal sent down to the labs with an order to being work on it right away she moved onto her least favourite part of the job, the never ending stack of papers and reports she had to look over and sign.

She didn’t glance up from the stack of papers until she heard her door open and soft footsteps made their way towards her desk. Raising her head she saw that her girlfriend had stopped her approach and was just staring at her softly. She straightened self-consciously.

“Is there something on my face?” she asked timidly.

“No, no,” Kara hastened to explain, “it’s just that I didn’t get to see you this morning, and geeze, you’re just so beautiful Lee.” The last part was said at a near whisper. _She wouldn’t be saying that if she knew you had gained weight _the Lillian voice in her head said. Out loud though she brushed it off.

“Flatterer,” she chastised with a grin as she moved to greet Kara. She raised on her tip toes and pressed a soft kiss to the reporters cheek, rubbing off the lipstick stain after.

“I only tell the truth,” Kara replied as she grasped Lena’s hand and gave it a quick squeeze. “Want to try that new Thai place that just opened down the street?” She asked.

“Sure,” Lena replied, thankful that Kara had chosen there since she knew they had salads after looking at their menu online. “Just let me gather my things.” She quickly moved around the room; shutting her laptop, stacking her papers neatly, and slipping her heels back on that she had kicked off somewhere around the hour mark of signing things. Five minutes later saw the pair on the sidewalk outside of L-Corp, hand in hand on their way to lunch. It took her a while to be okay with the world knowing about her and Kara’s relationship, not for her own sake but her girlfriends. She didn’t want the media hounding her or stalking them on their dates, but after a heartfelt conversation where Kara admitted she felt that Lena was ashamed of her and didn’t want people to know they were together, there was a photo of them kissing outside of L-Corp after Kara dropped her off splashed on every front page of the evening news the next day. That was more than a year ago now and after about six months the paps stopped caring, they were old news in the city.

Once they got to the restaurant they were immediately seated, despite the forty minute wait time (maybe they weren’t that old news), on the rooftop patio. Lena couldn’t help but let out a chuckle when Kara stretched out a little in the sun, trying to soak up any warmth she could. Kara cracked open one eye questioningly.

“You’re adorable,” was Lena’s only reply.

“You bet I am,” Kara said. “Could you order for me?” she asked as she returned to her basking.

“Of course Darling,” Lena answered, knowing her girlfriends likes and dislikes after nearly a year and a half of dating. She sat in silence, appreciating the sight before her and skimming the menu, until the waitress appears at their side. “Two waters to drink, she’ll have the meat noodle bowl with two orders of fried dumplings with peanut sauce, and I’ll have the Thai chicken salad, please.” She listed off before folding up the menu and handing it back. The waitress promised it would be right out before walking off to put their orders in the kitchen.

“Salad again Lee? Didn’t you have that for dinner last night, wont you be hungry later?” Kara asked, once again concerned about the CEOs eating habits.

“I’ll be okay, l haven’t been very hungry today,” she lied, feeling hunger gnaw at her stomach since she skipped breakfast.

“Are you alright? Do l need to call Alex?” Kara was becoming increasingly concerned.

“No, no.It’s passing already, I just want to be sure.” Lena laid a comforting hand on Kara’s resting on the table. She knew her invincible girlfriend worried every time she got so much as a sniffle, wanting to make sure she stayed healthy and free of Earths many deadly diseases and conditions. Kara relaxed under her touch and she resumed her relaxed posture, but this time kept her eyes trained on Lena as she asked about her day so far. Lena fibbed a little on how long she was at the gym, making it seem like she was just there for a quick jog on the treadmill, afraid of starting any conversations she felt wouldn’t go her way. Thankfully Kara didn’t question her further and instead got to telling her about the article she was assigned about the NCPD’s new K9 training program that was geared towards training rescues, but also adapted the current dogs to wearing a little heavier vests with stronger plating to protect them in the line of duty.

The food had arrived while the two were talking and they continued their peaceful conversation in between bites. Sooner than Lena would have liked her salad was gone and she wasn’t quite sated. She allowed herself one quick glance at Kara’s dumplings before telling herself that she didn’t need them, that they were unhealthy. Faster than she could blink though one of them had ended up on her plate. She felt her cheeks warm at the thoughtfulness of Kara before picking it up and eating it in a few small bites, one couldn’t hurt after all.

Sooner than the pair would have liked the bill had been paid and they were making their way back to L-Corp. On the elevator ride up to her office, Lena let her head rest on Kara’s shoulder, taking comfort in her girlfriends warmth and the silence that shrouded them, dreading the stack of papers she knows will take her nearly all evening and well into the night to complete. Once they were back in Lena’s office Kara noticed how the stack of papers had grown and gave Lena a rueful smile.

“I guess this means the paperwork will be holding you hostage tonight?” she asked.

“Sorry Darling. Quarterly reports are due soon and you know how hectic it gets,” Lena replied.

“I know, I have a patrol shift at the DEO tonight anyways.”

“Wake me when you get in so I can say goodnight,” Lena reminded her, it was a ritual at that point when one of them worked late, but with Lena’s newfound insecurities she found herself making sure nothing had changed in their relationship outside her head.

“Of course,” Kara murmured as she tilted Lena’s chin up and gave her a chaste peck on the lips. “I love you,” she whispered softly, arms circling Lena’s shoulders.

“I love you too,” she responded as she grasped around Kara’s waist. Stepping back, she gave the reporter one last kiss and shooed her towards the door. “I’ll see you tonight.”

“Bye Love.”

“Bye Darling.”

Around dinner Lena ordered a sandwich from the café in the main floor of L-Corp, picking at it over the next few hours. Once the clock struck 10 and her sandwich was eaten Lena packed up her things and headed home. By the time she opened the door to their home it was 1030 and the apartment was silent. She figured Kara must have still been out on patrol. She moved slowly through the apartment; toeing off her heels at the door, setting her keys in the bowl by the door and her purse on the island, navigating to the ensuite and brushing her teeth, before finally changing into her pajamas (an old NCU t-shirt of Kara’s and boxers) and crawling into bed.

She awoke a few restless hours later to a hand rubbing soothing circles on her back.

“It’s just me love,” she heard Kara whisper into the darkness, “I’m safe, go back to sleep. Love you.”

“Mm, lub you,” Lena mumbled into her pillow before drifting back to sleep, a little less restless knowing her girlfriend was back.

It felt like too soon when her alarm went off for her to get up and go to the gym. Dragging herself out of bed she went through her new morning routine of being at the gym by 530.

By seven thirty she was at her desk sipping a coffee and eating a yogurt parfait Jess had picked up at her request. At ten she stopped her work after feeling her phone vibrate.

Kara: I missed you this morning. ☹ I know you won’t be home for dinner tonight, so Lunch?

Lena felt a sense of guilt wash over her, she didn’t realize that in her effort to not drive Kara away, she herself was pulling away inadvertently. At least tomorrow was Saturday and she resigned herself to waking up with her girlfriend. She could probably fit in some time at the gym in the afternoon instead of taking off before Kara even woke up. That being said though, she would have to work through lunch today to be able to not come into work tomorrow and work from home, knowing not as much gets done when she’s at home.

Lena: Sorry Darling, I have too much to do at work, but I promise we’ll wake up together tomorrow.

Kara: I’m holding you too that, even though I’ll miss seeing you today.

Lena: I miss you too.

The rest of her day passed uneventfully, but she was able to get enough work done to feel okay about not coming in Saturday and taking her usual Sunday off. It came at a price though, and that price being coming home to a sleeping girlfriend at nearly midnight and empty takeout containers in the trash suggesting she missed a sisters night. She crawled into bed not five minutes later and wrapped her arms around Kara’s waist, kissing her gently on the neck she felt her stir.

“Just me Darling. Love you,” she murmured into her hair. Kara rolled over and readjusted so she could wrap her arms around Lena and so Lena’s head would rest on her chest.

“Love you too,” she murmured in return and pressed a kiss to the top of Lena’s head.

The next morning it wasn’t an alarm that woke Lena up, but the gentle sunlight that filtered in through their blinds and slanted across her face. She shifted slowly and lifted her head from Kara’s chest to see her girlfriend smiling down at her softly. Lena batted her chest playfully.

“It’s creepy to watch me while I sleep you know.”

“I can’t help it, you’re so adorable when you sleep.”

_Adorable, not beautiful. Puppies are adorable, chubby little babies are adorable. _Her traitorous Lillian voice told her. She aggressively told that voice to shut up as she enjoyed being in her girlfriends embrace a little longer.

It wasn’t until they finally pulled themselves from the warmth of their bed and made to get dressed that Lena ran into a problem. So far Kara had seen her in baggy clothes or blouses that, when tucked and draped properly, hid her weight gain, but if she were to get changed in front of her all would be revealed. She gathered her clothes and made her way to the bathroom to change, hoping Kara wouldn’t say anything. When she came out though Kara was sitting on the bed looking at her quizzically.

“Why did you change in the bathroom?” she asked.

“I was going to take a shower but I forgot I was going to go to the gym today and there’s no point in showering twice, so I just changed since I had my clothes with me,” Lena explained, and it was only part lie.

“But you never take your clothes into change, even if you do shower. You say it runs too much risk of wrinkling your clothes.” Kara had tilted her head during her questioning and ended up looking a bit like a confused puppy.

“I don’t know what to say Darling, I guess I just felt like changing it up a bit.” Thankfully Kara dropped it after that. At least it was dropped until that afternoon when Lena was getting ready to go to the gym. Running the risk of bumping into employees at the gym, Lena’s slightly too tight running kapris were covered by the oversized t-shirt she was wearing. She also planned on only using her personal weight room in the gym, that had a full rack of weights, a single treadmill and stationary bike.

“Are you really going to the gym?” Kara asked.

“Yes, I said I was, didn’t I?” she replied.

“Yeah, but usually you say you’re going to and then don’t.”

“This time I really am going.”

“Is that where you were when you left so early for work?”

“Yes. Is there a problem with me going to the gym?”

Kara backpedaled at Lena’s increasingly hostile tone.

“No, no, no. Just usually you only go twice a week, and never as early as you have been. Plus, I miss you,” the last part was said timidly and with Kara looking at the floor. Lena felt the guilt well up in her again. She didn’t mean to hurt Kara in the process of trying to not get hurt herself, but that is all that she seems to be able to do.

“I’m just trying to be healthier. I didn’t mean to begin neglecting you in the process,” she explains softly.

“Can I go with you?” Kara asks, hopeful. “That way you can work out and I can still see you.” In her head Lena was mentally reviewing how many baggy shirts she had in her closet so she could continue to hide her growing figure from Kara.

Aloud she told her, “I’d love that.”

Ten minutes later they were on their way to L-Corp, Kara having changed into exercise clothes and wearing the prototype red sun ring Lena had gifted her when their relationship began developing into something more intimate and Kara admitted her fears of hurting her.

As soon as they entered the gym space Lena popped in her headphones and began her workout. Trying her hardest to not feel Kara’s stare on her form every two minutes for the hour and a half that they’re there. It is equally as hard to not stare herself. The ring means a thin sheen of sweat develops over Kara’s skin, her breath coming out in puffs, muscles tensed and looking oh so attractive under the harsh fluorescents. Lena is achingly turned on by the time they’re done, which results in her eating Kara out against their door as soon as they get home, and then citing the rapidly approaching game night and need to take a shower as why Kara can’t strip her out of her gym clothes and return the favour. She gets herself off as soon as the shower is beating down her back, the ache between her legs almost painful. Game night proceeds as normal, except Lena eats about half and drinks about twice as much as normal. Thankfully, no one brings it up. 

That becomes the routine. Kara wakes up with her if she wasn’t out late the night before and they go to the gym. Lena uses the small shower in her office bathroom as an excuse to shower and change alone while Kara just flies home. They both work late nights. Every Saturday Lena gets Kara off before denying it being reciprocated, Kara never seems put off by that fact, and it just heightens Lena’s anxiety. It’s a vicious cycle. After a month of this and Kara’s puppy dog eyes, she finally relents to Kara returning their Saturday post gym sex (there’s only so much her hand can do after all), but she insists it happens in their room with the curtains closed and the lights off. Kara, of course, has been noticing something off with her girlfriend, but is afraid and unsure about how to broach the topic. It takes another two weeks of their routine for Kara to finally figure out what has been going on in Lena’s head.

Its been six weeks, six fucking weeks, and Lena is frustrated at the fact that she still looks the same. She’s gained muscle, sure, but that stupid pouch is still there and it’s not going away. She’s looking in mirror in their bedroom, shirt draped over the armchair in the corner and her sweats slung low. It’s Saturday and Kara got called off to stop an alien from destroying downtown so Lena thought it would be a good time to inspect her progress that apparently hasn’t happened. She afraid, she knows Kara is going to start asking questions soon, and she’s not sure how to answer. She’s so wrapped up in her world, with silent, frustrated tears gathering at the corners of her eyes, that she doesn’t hear the boots landing on the balcony or the sliding of the door. Calloused palms come to rest against her hips, long fingers resting against the fat that started all of this in the first place. Lena flinches at the contact like she’s been burned, takes two strides to create space, and buries her head in her hands.

“Lena, Love, what’s wrong?” Kara asks as she comes closer, stopping when she sees Lena begin to shrink in on herself.

“You weren’t supposed to see,” she murmurs into her hands.

“See what?” Kara thinks she knows what Lena is going to say, but she needs her girlfriend to acknowledge it before she can fix it.

“That I’ve gotten fat,” Lena replies, still turned away, voice thick with unshed tears. “That I’m not attractive, and not desirable, and that you could do so much better.”

“Oh Lena,” Kara’s voice is soft and full of as much love as she could put into it. Lena hears it but doesn’t want to believe it. She stiffens when Kara closes the gap between them, hands on her waist again, and feels a tender kiss being placed against her bare shoulder. Kara turns her slowly, but Lena keeps her head down, eyes squeezed shut. She knows this isn’t going to end the way she feared, but she’s still vulnerable and has no idea what’s going to happen next.

Kara tilts Lena’s face up and kisses her softly, reverently, before resting their foreheads together.

“You are the most stunning woman I have ever had the pleasure to lay my eyes on, and the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Nothing will ever eclipse the absolute warmth, contentment and _love _I feel when I see you, remember that you’re mine and I’m yours, and get to hold you. I love every single piece of you, nothing will ever change that. You were perfect before, you’re perfect now, and you’ll still be perfect years from now when we’re old and grey.” Her voice was full of conviction and her breath whispered across Lena’s lips.

“How can you find me attractive when I look like this and you look like that?” she whispered. She had to know, had to have no more insecurities, even though most of them had been washed away by Kara’s words and her implied reference that they would be together until they were old.

“How could I not be attracted to you? I did not achieve this by hard work, it is all because of the yellow sun, but you, you’re perfect. You keep a balance of healthy and what you love. These past weeks being the exception because I saw the way you looked at my burgers and pizza,” that drew a wet chuckle from Lena’s lips. “You’re healthy and happy, and I love everything about you.” Kara began to kiss down Lena’s body; her lips, her cheeks, her jaw, her neck, collarbones, over the slope of her breasts not covered by her bra, her ribs, and down to the soft swell of her stomach. She kissed across it, on every part, and then looked back up at Lena. Lena’s breath caught in her chest at the sight of Kara on her knees, worshiping the part of her she hated not twenty minutes ago. She drew her girlfriend back up to her feet, arms around her neck while Kara’s went around her waist. “I feel so privileged to see the softer side of you, when others only see the sharpness.” Lena’s tears were now ones of love and happiness. She kissed Kara softly and in an attempt to show her gratitude, knowing words would not be enough. “Let me show you how much I love and adore everything about you,” Kara requested against her lips. All Lena could do was nod, and before she knew it strong hands were gripping the backs of her thighs and lifting her. Lena wrapped her legs around Kara’s waist instinctively. This time they made love with the lights on, and the sun shining through the windows.


End file.
